Entah, semua berakhir dengan "HAMPIR"

Entah, saya bingung ingin menulis apa. Entah, saya bingung sedang merasakan apa. Entah, saya bingung mendiskripsikan 'dunia' saya sekarang seperti apa. Entah, saya sungguh tidak mengerti. 

Bahkan terkadang saya merasa bahwa saya bukanlah saya.

Kemarin saya terjatuh, lalu sesaat terdiam mengumpulkan kesadaran bahwa saya baru saja terjatuh. Setelah tersadar, sekuat tenaga saya berusaha untuk bangkit lagi. Menahan sakit yang dalam, menahan malu untuk hal konyol yang telah saya lakukan, menahan tangis yang hampir tumpah di sudut mata, saya berusaha bangkit tanpa pegangan yang jelas. Perlahan mencoba berdiri dengan penuh semangat, hampir bisa bangkit saya terjatuh lagi. Kali ini saya terdiam cukup lama. Sakit berkali kali lipat.

Memang, 'hampir' saja tidak cukup. "HAMPIR" bangkit. "HAMPIR" lulus. "HAMPIR" bisa. "HAMPIR" sampai. Semuanya tidak ada yang berhasil, karena diberikan embel embel 'HAMPIR".

Begitu juga yang terjadi dengan saya. Baru saja mengalami "HAMPIR" tersebut. Dan dilukiskan dengan indah tapi menyayat hati oleh lagu mellow satu ini.

Almost Is Never Enough

(Ariana Grande with Nathan Sykes)

I'd like to say we gave it a try
I'd like to blame it all on life
Maybe we just weren't right, but that's a lie, that's a lie

And we can deny it as much as we want
But in time our feelings will show

'Cause sooner or later
We'll wonder why we gave up
The truth is everyone knows

Almost, almost is never enough
So close to being in love
If I would have known that you wanted me
The way I wanted you
Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart
But right here in each other's arms

And we almost, we almost knew what love was
But almost is never enough

If I could change the world overnight
There'd be no such thing as goodbye
You'd be standing right where you were
And we'd get the chance we deserve

Try to deny it as much as you want
But in time our feelings will show

'Cause sooner or later
We'll wonder why we gave up
The truth is everyone knows

Almost, almost is never enough
We were so close to being in love
If I would have known that you wanted me, the way I wanted you
Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart
But right here in each other's arms

Oh, oh baby, you know, you know, baby
Almost, baby, is never enough, baby
You know

Oh Tuhan, bolehkah saya bertanya kenapa harus ada kata "hampir" di dunia ini? Kenapa saat ini saya merasa amat perih mendengar kata "hampir" tersebut? Kirimkan saya berjuta kali lipat kekuatan dan ketenangan ketika nanti jika saya "hampir" berhasil, saya harus jatuh kembali.